I've Been a Bad, Bad Dog

While you were out of the house, I've been busy. First, I went through the trash can. I always start there. Last night's pork chop leavings were good, but I didn't like that one stringy part, so I left it on the carpet right in that place where you won't be able to cover the stain with a throw rug or a piece of furniture. You probably don't know it all that well, yet, but you will soon. I had to think long and hard, but that's the spot. I'll always see and remember those pork chops when I see that stain. Then I drank out of the toilet. No big deal to you, right? Wrong! I like to dry my mouth off by rubbing it on the toilet paper roll. Now it's just a big wad of drool-filled paper. Oh, and I went on the floor. I'm not going to tell you where, but you're going to be unhappy if and when you find out. I also ate your left shoes. All of them, but only the left ones. Your right foot has a funky smell, so I stay clear of those. I especially liked the ones that tasted like cow. I believe it's called "leather". Very tasty. I did some other stuff, but I'll leave that as a surprise. You think you could take me for a walk tonight?